relationships

How Hurricane Harvey, Lady Gaga, and Love Has Brought People Together

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So . . . Are we feeling the “shortest” season fade away? No doubt that this summer was for many very challenging, especially for those impacted by Hurricane Harvey. Whether Harvey was a natural event as the mainstream media states, or a geoengineered event as some experts have found, our hearts and support go out to all those who ended this summer on such a tragic note – loss, loss, and more loss.

The Northeast had the coolest August in like, forever, but we’re not complaining here, since so many places are hurting and need all the love, positive thoughts, and whatever help we can send, in any way.

I personally know people in Houston, about whom I happily can say are okay. Others I know in Louisiana weren’t as lucky.

I’m still waiting for my friends and family on the West Coast to give an update of what is going on there, as I write this. A very difficult and painful time. How do we put it all back together?

Of course, our prayers go out in the hope that family members and friends made it out alive. But if not, we know that they were met by their loved ones on the Other Side. And, believe it or not, tragedies like this are always harder on the folks who survive.

When a tragedy like Harvey strikes, people band together. There are so many wonderful warm and giving folks who step up to the challenge. This moment was no exception.

I can’t tell you if it’s in the air or whatever, but . . . this is a very difficult time to live in. So many people with whom I have come in contact over the last several months have expressed just that.

My thoughts and words previously expressed in other newsletters and in my books, I shall repeat: In the BIG scheme of things, the one constant is Love. Hang on to Love, and it will help you through these very rough times.

Remember that our loved ones in spirit had their own conflicts and challenges while here, and they faced all that. For many, facing up to those challenges made them stronger. We can learn from that.

I am often told wonderful stories about grandparents, great grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc., who endured so much but kept going on. For many, it was the love of their family, and/or other loved ones, that helped them persist.

Things can be replaced. People cannot. So when our loved ones cross over, there is no need to try and replace them. They are there for us, on the Other Side. Connect with them through dreams, feelings, and intuition. As I indicate at my events, every soul gets out alive.

On another note, a quick sharing from one of my 2017 summer highlights. I saw Lady Gaga at Boston’s Fenway Park, the oldest major league baseball park in America. Needless to say, Lady Gaga filled Fenway. She is an amazing talent.

There were many moments that stuck me of her gift of giving every part of herself, but what I didn’t know initially was who “Joanna” was.

I had learned that Lady Gaga’s song to Joanna was a tribute, and when Lady Gaga opened up in song about who Joanna was, I could feel the connection. Joanna was her aunt, her dad’s sister who died when Lady Gaga was three years old. That event impacted her whole life since her father sort of smothered her (they are Italians) because he was so devastated by his sister’s loss. This somehow translated to fear of losing his daughter.

Lady Gaga’s story is one of many similar experiences reflecting how physical loss of a loved one can impact our lives. This was as true for her just it is true for so many of us who have walked a similar path.

However, what was wonderful to me was that Lady Gaga decided to, and did, share her experience with the audience, many of whom, I am sure, totally understood.

This is one thing an effective artist can do, but discussing the death of a loved one is not something many artists dare to share.

Kudos to you Lady Gaga! And as far as the music was concerned, I sat among so many wonderful people who had such a great time. We all did hoop and holler!

One gentleman near me was around 75 years old and wearing a red “Joanna Tour” tee-shirt from Cape Cod. Boy, was he a fan! He knew everything about Lady Gaga and it was he who told me who Joanna was before Lady Gaga shared her story on stage. And when she did share, it was at that moment she asked, “Can you feel all the love in this room?”

Yes! We did! A night I will always remember.

Enjoy the rest of what summer is left. Technically, Autumn doesn’t come until late September.

“All things come to an end,” they say, but never the one thing that is most important: Love.

As far as my Fall travels, I’ll be going to some new places and returning to favorites. I’ll be in Atlanta, Asheville, and Tarrytown this September, and California in October; specifically, Sacramento, LA, and San Diego.

Looking forward as always to seeing some of you for the first time, and others again.

Honoring Mother’s Day, Spring, and the Grieving Process

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Oh my my! My favorite month has just arrived, the merry month of May! Where we find that April showers do indeed bring May flowers.

In case you missed it, I did my spring video showing off my beautiful fuschias! Here it is.

There is always so much to see in the beginning of May. Not only the fuschias but of course my other favorite, the daffodils, both yellow by the way, such a joyful color.

Yes, the season begins! To me, the beginning of May marks the real beginning of Spring, a time when many of us want to break out in song, because we feel a little lighter as the cold weather becomes a thing of the past.

However, for those who have recently experienced the loss of a loved one, even the Spring flowers blooming, and green leaves returning, may go relatively unnoticed, or have little impact. When we lose someone, everything else can become secondary, as we grieve.

Although there is no formal manual for processing grief, I can offer a few tips. First of all, the process is totally individual, and thus varies from person to person.

If you’ve lost your mom recently, Mother’s Day – this year arriving late on Sunday, May 14th – may be particularly difficult. Even if your mom passed years ago, Mother’s Day may still be a sad day for you.

But keep in mind that grief will lessen over time, especially if you’ve had a visit from, or connection with, your deceased mom (or another deceased loved one who comes to mind on Mother’s Day). After making that connection, you might even be able to smile on Mother’s Day, especially if your loved one is near.

Pay attention! A visit from your mom on the Other Side may be more likely to occur on Mother’s Day than on a routine day of the year. If the connection occurs, it will make the loss so much easier to handle because you will very well realize that death is not the end. The spiritual self, our true essence, continues after physical death, as does our eternal Love for one another which keeps the connection intact.

Again, remember that everyone is different. If you feel you want to be alone on Mother’s Day to take a walk or a hike, read a book, or go to the movies – do so! In contrast, some folks like to play bingo! Whatever works! It’s all just fine. There are no hard and fast rules.

However, being flexible might help, just in case your sad mood suddenly changes for the better – perhaps because your mom was close to you even if the visit didn’t register consciously – so you can decide at the last minute that instead of being alone, you’d rather go out to dinner or do whatever with a friend, partner, or family member who just happens to be around.

Another suggestion I’d like to offer is this: On Mother’s Day, if the opportunity presents itself, give a toast (outwardly or inwardly) to your mom or other loved one who has passed, or light a candle (not necessarily in church). The same applies if it’s their birthday, or day of passing, or some other day or holiday that was/is still special to them.

You know more than anyone else about the Love you had, and still have, for the person who has passed. Sometimes that Love is manifested through focusing on special memories of the person, like when you laughed so hard together till you cried, or still cry when you look at their picture, taken perhaps during one of those trips you went on together and will never forget.

In short, trust yourself and honor your feelings with regard to the passing of your mother, mother figure, or anyone else. Allow yourself to be any way you want to be on Mother’s Day, and/or any other day. Be sad, be happy, be thoughtful or even angry. Walk your life without judgment if you can, and know that your departed loved ones are just a thought away, smiling at you and thanking you for all the good you did for them.

Looking forward to seeing all you New Jersey, Baltimore, Rochester, and Afterlife Conference folks in Portland soon!

Tolerance, Gratitude, and What’s Really Important

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Welcome to December 2016, the last month of the year!

Last month, we celebrated Thanksgiving, hopefully along with those in our lives whom we love and care for. Soon it will be time for Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Mawlid, and other special December events. Of course, this doesn’t mean we have to share the same beliefs with those who are present at the dinner table, but we should at least respect, and especially not ridicule, those relatives and friends who follow a different religion or spiritual path.

I have many friends in education, especially in NYC, “where the world lives,” (or so they say), who often share that a key issue encountered with their students is that the kids often disagree with one another, and get passionate about their beliefs. Good educators teach that there is no good reason to mock another’s belief system. Instead, effective educators teach kids to be kind to one another.

Naturally, learning begins at home. I truly admire parents who teach their children how to behave properly. I recently read an article by a mother who has two daughters – one is Chinese, and the other is a lesbian. The mother came from parents who taught her the importance of tolerance and respect for others. She was recently concerned that the differences between her children could cause problems. She nonetheless felt gratitude for being afforded the opportunity to live her life in this country. She is first generation and her parents instilled in her this gratitude.

For example, speaking up for someone who is weak and has been dissed by another is a kind and courageous thing to do. And I’m sure that I don’t have to remind you how bullying is a major problem. Standing up to bullies is not easy, but it can and should be done. Less difficult would be the simple act of thanking someone for holding open a door, which will elevate your and his or her spirits. Or helping an elderly person with those packages that she can hardly handle, given her struggles with the walker. This is what our end-of-the-year holidays are a reminder of – being kind.

I’m sure also that most of you realize how important it is to give at this time of the year, especially to those who are likely to receive little or nothing, unless you contribute. We all know how hard it is for children who are of lesser means to see other relatively “rich” children get so many more toys than they seem to need. See what you can do about that by helping a poor child in your neighborhood, and/or by contributing to a worthwhile charity that cares for children.

Also, think back. Do you really remember all the toys you got as a kid? Were those toys more important to you in the long run than the thoughts behind them? Do you agree that, as Maya Angelou once said, “I may not remember exactly what someone said, but I remember how they made me feel”?

We are all here together. We are not isolated. Every smile, action, and even thoughts can create a positive change in those with whom we interact.

Would each of us not give away all those lovely presents we have received over the years, to spend just one more holiday moment interacting here in the physical with a loved one who has already transitioned? To experience one more opportunity to feel their presence, hear them laugh, or even argue – just to be close again? Well, cheer up! Your departed loved ones ARE around you, especially at this time of the year. Open your hearts, relax, believe, and feel their presence. A toast of wine to them would also help.

This is what December is all about – a reminder of the things that are truly important – those moments of loving, connecting, and sharing happy memories that are ours forever. Treasure these moments – no one can take them away from you.

Everywhere I go in my line of work, so many faces I encounter, no matter where, over and over again, reveal a sense of loss of missing that special person who has crossed over. But please do remember this: those who have made their transition are in a better place.

Earth is a learning school. We are spirits having a human experience. When the experience is over here, we shed our costumes (bodies) and ascend to our natural spiritual state. What matters most is that we know in our hearts that regardless of how difficult it is to endure physical endings, Love goes on in the Spiritual, and that we will all be reunited with our loved ones eventually.

Our loved ones want us to know that, and to not lose sight of this perspective. They are doing fine. So enjoy life while you can, and as much as you can!

Remember, there is always something to be grateful for, even after Thanksgiving has passed. And although the loss of a loved one can be most difficult, we need to face the difficult fact that we can’t change what has occurred.

However, even if you are a skeptic, you can change your beliefs and thoughts to realize that Love goes on even after physical death. Once you recognize this reality, and feel it in your heart, you will join those of us who know beyond a shadow of a doubt that while the passing of a loved one is often very difficult to endure, and that the grief must be processed, we can deal with such a loss knowing that we will be reunited with our beloved DPs (dead persons) in the future. And meanwhile, they are here watching over us. Rest assured.

On another note . . . I’m often asked about the little things we can do, to help us and others enjoy the holiday season. Here are my suggestions:

  1. Hug those you love and those who need love. Thank them for being in your life.
  2. Make a list of those for whom you want to shop, and/or those you want to touch, during this season of kindness and Love. Remember that shopping for others need not involve elaborate gifts. Effective shopping can be for food that folks need, or for plants to cheer them up.
  3. Send out cards, with candle lighting announcements, to those you know will be touched by your efforts.
  4. Purchase and give candles to your family and friends to burn throughout the months, to remind them, if they are among those who need to be reminded, that Love is immortal. Let them celebrate the lives of those who we know are with us in the spiritual, even if we can’t see them.
  5. Prepare and mail out cards (or texts, or emails) to those who lost someone recently, and are in a state of grieving, while acknowledging their profound grief. Include a personal message, if you have something gentle and positive to say.
  6. Decorate your living space in a way that makes people smile when they enter. And if it suits you, make your home smell of nature, preferably with a plant still growing in the earth, instead of one that has been chopped down and separated from the earth.
  7. Redecorate your living space in honor of those DPs you love, if they loved decorating while here in the physical.
  8. Plan and carry out random acts of kindness – most importantly, in ways that your dear departed loved ones would most appreciate and admire.
  9. Call, or visit, those that you feel a connection to, and/or who may be lonely.
  10. Know always in your heart that your departed loved ones hear you and laugh with you in joy as you think positively of them during the holiday season.

Enjoy December! It’s one of the most special months of the year. Reflect on all the events, connections, and gifts of gratitude you have received in 2016. And be thankful.

And with regard to those experiences that were difficult, remember . . . we are like old-fashioned photographs, in that we develop from the negative.

True love is forever. From my heart to yours.

The Merry Month of May!

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Happy Month of May! Most of you know that this is my favorite month of the year. Not because it’s my birth-month, but because in May, one can really feel that Spring has arrived.

I think it’s no coincidence that Mother’s Day comes in May, since May truly signifies the birth of Spring.

Needless to say, mothers are very important to us all, often THE most important person in our lives. Whether your relationship with mom is/was good, not so good, or really, really, really not good, it is still a key relationship. In one way or another, your relationship with mom will impact your entire life, and many, if not all, of your interpersonal relationships.

My friend Jane is always saying how she thanks her mother for all she’s learned, even though they have shared a very difficult relationship. There is wisdom in that perspective. We should all be thankful for the challenges we endure because, like old-fashioned photographs, we develop from the negative.

I recently had a wonderful session in which a young lady (let’s call her Mary, not her real name) came to me because she was receiving messages from her deceased mom and wanted to see if I could validate what was happening. What I got was that this was one wonderful mother who shared a rare honestly with her children.

There was a beach house that had been passed down from Mary’s grandparents who had borrowed money so that the family would be able to enjoy their summers together. Mary’s mother then passed the beach house to her and sisters but purposefully left out one sister who the mother knew would, because of her personality, create immeasurable problems in the family. Also excluded from the will was Mary’s only brother who was/is a gambler and drinker.

This was a mother who not only knew her children well but had the courage to make sure that the sharing of the beach house, which has now been in the family for generations, would remain a place of enjoyment. I don’t have to tell you how expensive beach property is, and nowadays buying one would be beyond the economic capacity of this extended family to purchase. I am sure Mary’s mom went through much soul searching before deciding to exclude two of her own children from her will for the sake of those that would continue to keep the beach house special, and free of acrimony.

During the session, as I sat there feeling how amazing a woman Mary’s mother was/is, I could not help but focus on the courage it took to exclude two of her own children from her last will and testament. More often than not, in my work, I often see how issues like this are often ignored, and then all the unfinished business causes chaos and splits families apart.

I’ve said it before and will share it a thousand times more – For those of us fortunate enough to possess some material wealth, there are three things we need to have:

  1. A will. It’s not only about money and property but also about your wishes regarding how you feel things should proceed after you transition. Be wise in whom you name as executor of your will. This should be someone you can trust to honor your wishes.
  2. Health proxy. Many of us know, or have at least heard about, the nightmare of not having someone appointed to make major decisions when a loved one is in a coma or on life support. Make sure you designate some who is NOT weak of heart. This needs to be someone who will, no matter what, follow your wishes, for example, with a DNR (do not resuscitate).
  3. Power of attorney. Again, if for some reason you cannot or are unable to make a decision while you are still alive, make sure you appoint someone who will carry out your expressed wishes. If finances are involved, give them the authority to pay your bills, etc. Often this will be the same person you name as the executor of your will, so when the time comes, that person will be familiar with your wishes and economic condition.

Although I connect freely with the Other Side, my work is about the living, as I’ve noted so many times before. For it is we who are left here on Earth, until our time comes, who must process our grief, and figure out how to move on after a loved one crosses over. It’s a challenge! And a time for soul growth. Of course, this may be especially tough for those of you who, this month, will celebrate your first Mother’s Day without your mom. But one thing you can be sure of this: she will be around. Watch for the signs, and trust what you feel and experience. Love never dies, especially a mother’s love.

So, in sum, on this coming Mother’s Day, make sure to celebrate all the mother figures in your life, whether they are alive or crossed over, and whether they are your natural born mothers or someone who has given you that motherly nurturing and loving. This of course includes grandmothers and great grandmothers, etc! Oh, and a reminder for all you husbands out there whose wives are moms-let your wife know how happy you are to be the father (or step-father) of her child or children. Make her feel special because, after all, she is!

One final reminder – never, never, never leave out Mother Earth from your Mother’s Day remembrances. She is the grandest mother of them all, the one who feeds us, houses us, clothes us, and allows us to breathe – while providing so much beauty in the world.

Please note that I will be doing two Mother’s Day events this year. I’m returning to WXLO in Worcester, MA for my 11th year on Friday, May 6, and I will be doing a very special Mother’s Day event in my own city, New York, with fellow medium Thomas John. I’m very excited about both. And, of course, I will again be at the Afterlife Conference in St. Louis on May 12 – 15. I’m so excited to be returning to Kansas City; I’ve been away too long.

Have a marvelous May. I’m so looking forward as always to connecting, spending time, and seeing so many of you again in my travels. As always, new friends are also most welcome!

Growing Older, Changing Seasons

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Yes, September is here, but there’s still time to dive into a lake, pool, or ocean, and do whatever fun things you like to do in the Summer, as there are three more weeks to go before Autumn officially arrives.

As I write, in New York City the forecast is for sunny skies this upcoming week, with temperatures in the 80’s and 90. So I’m sure many of you, like me, are going to hold on to this Summer for as long as you possibly can. No problem with that, but do remember that Fall for many can be the most breathtaking season of them all. So don’t get too sad that Summer is ending – it happens every year! All part of the seasons of life here on Planet Earth.

Why it is that everyone in the Northeast thinks Summer is the shortest season, and Winter the longest? I guess that’s just how it is. Or maybe it’s because. “Time flies when you’re having fun,” and there is more fun to be had in the Summer. In any event, once again we have the changing of the seasons to remind us of own life changes.

I was recently engaged in a conversation regarding how many baby boomers are still not only dealing with their children and their children’s problems, but with elderly parents as well. The aging-parent syndrome reminds us how life, like each season, runs in cycles, especially if you end up taking care of a parent who raised you.

When caretaking for a parent who was difficult to begin with, the job can be even more challenging. And then of course there are the aging-parent families with siblings – so often it seems that only one brother or sister will take on the major caretaking load, while the others virtually disappear. Not really fair. Ideally, the caretaking chore should be shared among siblings. Of course, if you are an only child with an elderly parent in need of homecare, well, things are made all the more difficult.

I would most respectfully suggest that anyone in a parental homecare role focus for a second on those who have parents on the Other Side. Often the surviving children writhe in guilt, feeling and wondering year after year, “Did I do enough?” when their parents were still alive. I see so much of this in my line of work. If I may suggest, better to do what your conscience dictates now, than to stew in guilt afterward.

As Betty Davis once said, “Getting old is not for sissies,” and likewise, I would say that caring for an aging parent is also not for sissies. If you’ve spent a good part of your life raising children, and then have to help care for a spouse who becomes ill, and later have to care for an elderly parent, well, your season of helping will seem like a career. But most likely, that’s what you signed up for before being born, to present you with an opportunity for even more soul growth during this incarnation. See if you can measure up to the challenge, and good luck to you!

I was once asked why most mediums don’t talk about elderly folks who have lost a spouse. I was like, “What?” For this question has a false premise. In my work experience, nothing could be further from the truth. I have encountered many widows and widowers who have lost a spouse of 30, 40, or 50 or more years. Their Love (like all existing Love) goes on after death, as I have said many times. It’s all part of the seasons of our lives.

Although death is often associated with Winter (when the trees lose their leaves and the essence of plant life disappears into the Earth), it actually doesn’t matter in what season a death occurs. Symbolically, it is Winter for those going through the process of grieving over the passing of a loved one. But, as is with Winter, let us not forget that there is beauty in death, as that the soul survives and returns to its natural state in a place many call “Heaven.”

For those of us still alive on this beautiful Planet Earth, let us recognize that it is not Winter yet here in September, 2015. Heck, it’s not even Autumn. There are weeks of Summer to go! For now my friends, enjoy the rest of what has been a beautiful Summer (at least in the Northeast), and as we transition into Autumn, open your mind to let those falling leaves and magnificent colors inspire you to carry on, during the remainder of this, and your next, season of life.

The Wisdom of Dads

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Happy June! The month when so much is happening – the start of summer, the end of the school year, weddings, vacations, graduations, and {{{{{drum roll}}}}} Father’s Day!

Recently, I went to my godson’s graduation at the Forman School in Litchfield, CT. This school has been around for 100 years and is focused on helping kids with learning disabilities such as dyslexia and ADHD. At the graduation, Alan Alda, whose grandson was also graduating, spoke. Alan’s speech was eloquent and wise. Every person, young or old, male or female, could truly benefit from his wisdom. Indeed, judging by the vibes and reactions, I believe that many in the audience recognized that they were receiving a gift of life guidance. One thing he said that especially resonated with me was (and I’m paraphrasing), “I can’t give you my seventy years of life. I’m only sharing what I feel have been the important moments or messages of life, as I’ve seen it.”

Alan also noted how that in 2015, the whole world can learn what happened halfway across the globe almost immediately – something no generation except this one has experienced. He also told a very funny story about Kurt Vonnegut, the talented author, who delivered a commencement address in 1997 that became world famous. The only thing was, Kurt didn’t write it! Still, it’s a gem worth repeating, as Alan did at the graduation ceremony I attended.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

I was so thrilled to hear Alan Alda (a father of three and grandfather of eight, according to Wikipedia) read “Kurt’s speech.”

As Alan, and all dads know, June is the month in which we celebrate Father’s Day! In my previous newsletter, I paid special attention to mothers for their day, so I feel it’s only right this month to give kudos to the dads. You know who you are and how important you have been to those whom you love and who love you. I know many of you have felt the weight of the world on your shoulders while caring for and protecting your kids. A very tough job, but hey . . . Congratulations! You did it! And for many, you are still doing it!

For those dads who have lost a child, I present the following which I came across on Facebook, and want to share.

A Dad Hurts Too

People don’t always see the tears a DAD cries,
His heart is broken too when his beloved child dies.
He tries to hold it together and tries to be strong,
Even though his whole world’s gone wrong.
He holds on to her as her tears fall,
Comforts her throughout it all.
He goes through his day doing what he’s supposed to do,
But a piece of his heart has been ripped away too.
So when he’s alone he lets out his pain,
And his tears come down like pouring rain.
His world has crashed in all around him,
All that was bright has gone completely dim.
He searches for answers but none are to be found,
Who offers help a DAD up when he’s hit the ground?
He smiles through his fears,
Struggles trying to hold in his tears.
But what you see on the outside is not always real,
Men don’t always show how they really feel.
He feels he has to be strong for the others,
But DADS hurt too, not just the mothers.

(Original work found here)

Let me close by saying . . . Friends, enjoy all the upcoming wonderful moments of this June, and reflect on the good times of days gone by . . . they are all important. And do wear sunscreen!

Looking forward this June to returning to the Afterlife Conference in Norfolk, Virginia, and returning to New Hampshire. Check out my website for details.

As I write, spring is still here, and it’s Rachel Carson’s birthday. What an amazing gift she left the world, way before her time.

Honoring Mothers

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Happy Month of May!

And of course Happy Mother’s Day to all those important forever and always caregivers, be they actual moms or the gals who fill that role — from grandmothers, to sisters, to aunts, etc. Time to celebrate the mothers in our lives.

Yes, this Hallmark holiday can and does bring up every emotion possible — including love, anger, and of course sadness especially if your mother has recently passed over.

Because of what is revealed given the nature of my work, I hear many stories involving relationships with mothers, some that are not very pleasant. For example, a friend of mine got a call around Mother’s Day and began yelling at the caller that her mother was dead and to leave her alone!

One common theme that emerges during my work is unresolved mother issues, especially for those who have chosen to not have their mothers in their lives, or to not allow their mothers to see their own grandchildren, sometimes with good reason. Thankfully there are many more wonderful giving mothers than those who are not.

As I have said so many times, before we incarnate, we actually chose our mothers, as part of our soul growth process. Consciously, one might say, “I would never have chosen this situation,” especially during trying times of a mother’s illness. But, the soul knows better. Like old fashioned photography, we develop from the negative.

The movie “Still Alice” focuses on what happens in a family where the matriarch of the family has been diagnosed with Alzheimers, and how things change when the center of the family falls ill. Of course, this type of situation deeply affects all of the family members, and things can really become unglued.

But sometimes the opposite happens, as with a friend of mine whose 94 year old mother came down with debilitating spinal stenosis over the harsh and icy New York City winter. The three brothers pulled together as a team to care for their mom, and took turns being there at every juncture, including surgery which thankfully went as well as could be expected. Hopefully now, physical therapy will help get her back up on her feet and walking again.

Interestingly, there are two main times of the year where my office phone rings non-stop: Christmas and Mother’s Day. The latter is because mothers are a major force in all our lives, and the mother-child relationship is one of the most significant relationships we have — if not THE most. Through mom is how we learn to love and share.

In my experience with clients and attendees at my events, I have seen that losing one’s mother can still be painful twenty years after her passing. This is why I devoted a whole chapter to losing a parent in my book Everything Happens for a Reason, addressing issues like losing a mother at a young age, taking care of mom in her old age, and for so many never getting over a mother’s passing.

Interesting that Mother’s Day occurs during the Spring when the flowers, trees and grass start to grow. There are tulips galore, forsythias, and all those little green uprisings that I promised would be coming up through the ground where all that snow used to be.

Ah, Wonderful spring! The season where poets sing songs of love, people have a skip in their step, and joy abounds. This year, I got my hint of Spring while in the desert, watching the cactus and desert plants blooming. Seeing flowers emerge from a cactus is breathtaking, one of the many wonders of Nature. Once again I am looking forward to The Afterlife Conference in June, and a return to New Hampshire where it’s been a few years. There will also be new events in Denver in July and Lily Dale in August.

Okay then, time to put some flowers on the table after picking them with my hands and letting them do what they do best — look beautiful and smell glorious.

Happy May Everyone!

Healing Through Relationships

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Welcome all to the month when Spring begins. The Spring Equinox is Friday March 20th
, three days after St. Patrick’s Day! Now I know some of you are saying, “Yeah, right! Spring,” given the huge mounds of snow and ice still prevalent. Even where it’s supposed to be warm, it’s cold. I heard even the birds this winter were a bit freaking out! But I assure you, those tiny buds are on the verge of pushing up through the ground! Spring is around the corner.

In life, things move in their own time, for their own rhyme and reason. Most of us humans, of course, want everything now, or yesterday. We forget the most important part of why things often don’t happen so fast, that being . . . we may miss the most important part of the journey, or the reason why this or that is happening. Everything happens for a reason, tho the reason is not always apparent.

While some folks seem to sail through life, often I’ll encounter people who have had many losses over a short period of time. They ask, “Why did this happen to me?” Or, “Why don’t I have good luck?” To be honest, I don’t have all the answers for the why’s of anyone’s life. But I do know that there is a reason for everything. Whatever that reason may be, you know deep inside. That is, your soul has the answer. So often, yes, discovering the reason does require looking deep.

I’ve often said that most of our soul learning happens in relationships. If for some reason you don’t learn with the Earth family you were born into, you will likely learn your lessons with a partner, and perhaps your partner’s family. Or perhaps, you will create a “family” through your friends or mutual interests or causes.

Look around you and notice the people in your life. Do they have strong family connections (which by the way is a concept that extends to cousins, aunts, grandparents, etc.). Or are they very involved in their partner’s family, parents, or in-laws? If you were raised with strong ties to a cousin, he or she can often act a sibling. If they have children of their own, the connection continues with them as your nieces and nephews.

Nowadays, with families living in so many different places, it requires much more work to stay physically connected. But I have to tell you that I meet many folks who make sure they personally connect with family and extended family every year or every other year to keep that relationship going. Also, iPhone and computer photos and videos can help bridge the gap. Folks know the importance of family, and they want that priority to be there for their children as well. This can be especially important with the “only child,” with cousins often becoming sibling substitutes.

Through direct and indirect family relationships, we can know or at least begin to understand what our soul program is all about. It’s so easy to look at another’s seemingly happy life and say, “Why not me?” But, you need only look a bit deeper to see that what is on the outside may not correlate to what is on the inside, and what your program might be. It’s not really about fancy houses or cars or diamonds, or the chenille dresses. I know of someone who had all that and she lost not one but two sons . . . one to suicide!

One of my favorite interviews is when Barbara Walters was questioning Gloria Vanderbilt. Barbara asked Gloria, and I quote, “Why you? Why did you lose a son to suicide?” Gloria’s answer, “Why not? Money never has nor will it ever exempt one from loss.”

In short, not everything is at it appears to be. Just as when we look at all the snow still piled up, we may not see the green coming up from below, but I assure you, it happens every Spring, which is just a couple of weeks away (officially). It’s just like magic! How can one not be amazed at Nature in her presence and beauty? What was once barren gives birth to flowers, leaves, bees a buzzing, and the animals (like us) adding a skip to their step.

So be patient. In life and in season, the change will come. Maybe not how you dreamed it or exactly how you wanted it to happen, but changes will arrive. Meanwhile, count your blessings – that favorite dish on the table, or just sitting down beside the one you love. Sometimes the simplest things are the greatest gifts that can be given, or received.

So come on Spring Equinox. Bring it on!

This Spring – besides being occupied by my seedlings – I am delighted to return to some of my favorite places: Lafayette, LA, Tucson, AZ and my hard core Northeast Connecticut homes.

Looking forward to it all.

Matters of the Heart

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Happy matters of the heart month! And when I say “matters of the heart,” I mean ALL matters of the heart. Not just your steady or current Valentine.

Every one of our relationships involves matters of the heart, since in one way or another we are all affected emotionally by our interactions with others. And in many ways these interactions can serve as a barometer of our true selves, if we are willing to be open and grow.

Anyone who has dealt with someone who cannot be open realizes that there is little hope to grow in the relationship. We must at times make ourselves vulnerable – but of course be careful with whom you so engage. I realize how hard this can be but when we truly open ourselves, we have the greatest chance of honest transformation.

We know without question that people do die of a broken heart. So, it should come as no surprise how important matters of the heart actually are.

And of course, as I have said many times, our loved ones in Spirit, our DPs, maintain a continuing heart connection with us from the Other Side. Love does not end with physical death. Love facilitates my work.

Even short passing relationships can impact our hearts. Often, I’ve been awestruck during moments shared with clients – be it in a group, with a couple, or in a one-on-one setting. Those interactions have in so many ways transformed me, and helped me view life from different perspectives.

Interesting, too, how times of conflict and heartache can lead to a greater understanding. Indeed, trials and tribulations can push us in a direction we might not otherwise head. Along the way, if we open our hearts to change, healing and transformation are possible – even though the end result may not align with where we thought we wanted to be.

I have leaned that how we think about what we may want in our lives, is often influenced by our relationships with others, and how we feel about them in our hearts. As many of us have experienced, moments of change often occur as a result of our connection to another person(s), as well as how we travel along our spiritual paths. We are, without question, wired for connecting to others.

A relevant quote on relationships that I recently came upon follows. It’s from Angela Wilson MA, RYT.

From birth, we require connection to survive. Babies who don’t receive enough physical contact and emotional responsiveness are at higher risk for behavioral, emotional, and social problems. They cry more and sleep less. At its extreme, babies who are neglected and not touched often don’t survive. Human contact and engagement is as fundamental to our survival as food and water.

The impact of relationships on positive brain development goes well beyond infancy and far into adulthood. Studies show that certain types of therapies can change the brains of people with depression, borderline personality disorder, and trauma. A therapeutic relationship can produce changes in the brain equivalent to and sometimes lasting longer than medication. These studies point to the power of relationships to heal the mind.

Intuitively, this makes sense. Our biggest wounds most likely happen in relationships.

I have talked and written about how losing a parent or sibling when you were a child affects your relationship choices later. Heartbreaking. However, by connecting with our DPs, we can close the void that occurs when those relationships are severed at our early age. As long as we are willing to be open and listen.

We also need to be able to forgive. When our friends, family, and/or other loved ones hurt us, we need to be ready to move past it, especially if they are sincerely sorry. When this happens, the relationship can be transformative. The heartache can be healed. Forgiveness benefits the forgiver and the forgiven.

On the flip side, if you are the offender, there is (of course) no guarantee that the one you’ve hurt will accept your apology, and forgive. That is sad, because the inability to forgive may trigger the end of the relationship. However, it’s important to try and stretch ourselves and apologize when necessary, and/or accept the apologies that come our way. Most of the time, following such a path will create a rewarding outcome.

To be sure, one of the most important relationships we have as adults is our relationship with the children in our lives – whether or not we are a parent in the biological sense.

I have had many discussions with people who personally experienced the loss of a child, and perhaps suffered along with the kids through their attention deficit disorder (ADD), autism, bi-polar personality, etc. while they were here on Earth. Naturally, because of what I do as a medium, my personal dealings are after the fact of whatever happened here while the children were in their bodies. But I am honored to be able to work at connecting those children who are now Spirit to their parents (and others) who have suffered this heartbreaking loss, and are now healthy and well on the Other Side.

I’d like to share with you information on a professional who has done worldwide research on The Children of Now – Dr. Meg Blackburn Losey, Ph.D. I had Ms. Blackburn on my show recently. In case you missed the show, you can listen here. I would strongly advise anyone who wants to have some insight into the children of today, to please read Dr. Losey’s book. It’s a cliché but true that . . . it is “Our children who will inherit the earth,” and it is also our responsibility as adults to aid in that journey.

I know that during our journeys, each of us has had Valentine celebrations in school, and/or with a young sweetheart, and/or with families, etc. And the tradition still goes on.

Here’s hoping your matters of the heart on Valentine’s Day, and all days, involve Love.

Daddy’s Little Girl

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So here we are at the end of August where everyone is still celebrating weddings and end of summer parties. Many a hotel is booked for events, and many a hotel is quite happy about it!  Of course I guess with all this the most major event is that labor day is around the corner.  We will however keep enjoying this wonderful time of summer.

As I always say, one of the most special and privileged things I get to have and enjoy is the importance and significance to connect with many people’s loved ones and father’s or daddy’s girl. Being able to affect and make a huge difference in many lives.

I was reminded recently in a session where a young mother had just lost her father. Having a newly born little girl just added to her missing her father and feeling that he wouldn’t be around to see his granddaughter.

Of course we know he’ll be around just not the way she would naturally want him to be. I remember one of her words in describing her father and it stuck with me and I found it in some way very profound and in another, the perfect description of what many a father should mean to all of us.

She said, “he was the salt of the earth”!  I breathe in those words and feelings. How wonderful this young woman’s childhood was with her dad, and how that will be in her heart and soul throughout her life.

Yes, her sadness is that he has passed over to the other side of life but she had the experience and love to have such a beautiful man to grow up with and yes, have her be daddy’s girl.

I talk about interconnected relationships in my book Everything Happens for a Reason and it is so true, those first experiences do stay with us our whole life and do effect all our relationships.

One thing I know for sure is, she will certainly be instrumental to make sure her daughter grows up knowing what it’s like to be daddy’s girl.

I have no doubt she would choose a father, husband and friend/partner who will give the same to their daughter.

We learn by what we see and are taught.  So if your father is here alive, celebrate whatever your relationship is, of course if you can and if not send out thoughts from afar. If your dad’s in spirit know you will be heard and felt and if you feel the need to forgive him then know you can do that as well.

Summer is generally a time when we can pass down those wonderful memories to our nieces, nephews, sons and daughters of spending time just playing. Yes, just playing because those are by far the memories most children and young people will remember.

Remember always, memories are forever.