grieving

Happy Month of Love!

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February — the month of love, love, and more love.

During my work, it’s been shown to me over and over again, how deeply we are affected by matters of the heart. Not only the romantic “Valentines Day” kind, but matters of the heart that are not easy to endure.

Like when someone you love says a harsh word, and you take it to heart. Or when a person close to you gets injured, and you feel so bad for them. Or when you’re grieving the loss of a partner, relative, or friend.

Sometimes the heartache is so great that you can feel it physically, as if your heart were literally about to break. And sometimes that can actually happen, like when people “die of a broken heart.”

Every one of our relationships is a matter of the heart, and those relationships are impacted by our interactions with others, which can also serve as a barometer of our selves — if we are willing to open our own hearts.

As most of my newsletter readers are aware, the job of our loved ones on the Other Side is to continue a relationship with us here, with their “hearts” open.

Often, the DPs (dead persons) tell me that they don’t want us to focus on negativity — past illnesses, for example; or woulda, coulda, shoulda-type stuff. Instead, they want us to go to the memory of happy times spent together — times when we hugged, and laughed, or maybe just hung out. Those memories are ours to hold in our open hearts, and keep the love alive.

So, do keep those loving moments close to your open heart. And remember that love is, and remains, the single most important mental, emotional, and spiritual aspect of life here on Planet Earth.

On another note, I feel I must say that I also appreciate expressions of love sent via Hallmark, etc. I think it’s wonderful that, for example, parents (especially mothers) give Valentine cards to their kids. Some sisters and brothers also use Valentine’s Day to express their love for each other. Whoever you love, you can say it with a card.

Many folks, I know, save those Valentines Day cards from years gone by. And going through that old chest or shoebox, looking at the cards your mom sent you way back when, can inspire some wonderful childhood memories, I am sure.

Now, I do recognize that Hallmark and other card companies likely make a significant profit on Valentine’s Day, but hey, it’s America, and it’s still a good thing. The card makers are providing a very worthwhile product, though their prices do seem to have gone up lately.

If buying a card doesn’t appeal to you, consider expressing your feelings the old fashion way — by making your own card.

Or get modern with a phone call, text, or email. Or even a personal visit. Whatever — Do express your love on Valentine’s Day.

As most of us know, gifts are also an appropriate way to show love on Valentine’s Day (and other times, of course), although exchanging gifts is not for every relationship. It all depends. You make the call!

Recently, I was reminded of a prayer that I had been called upon to include in one of my newsletters years ago. The prayer is about having an open heart. Hope you like it. Feel free to use this prayer, if the words suit you.

Mother and Father God in Spirit,

Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can’t make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Mother and Father God in Spirit, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.

I think this prayer says it all!

Looking forward to seeing so many of you at my upcoming Spring events. I’m doing another wonderful fundraiser in April and returning to Club L.E.D. in March. Plus, don’t forget that this coming Monday, February 4th, I will be doing my monthly Blog Talk Radio show with my special guest, medium and soul gardener Austyn Wells. Immediately after the show – at 7:30 pm EST / 4:30 pm PST – I will be doing another LIVE Facebook event. Last month’s event was so well-received, I’m looking forward to connecting with more of you on Monday!

All my love to all of you, this Valentine’s Day season!

The Wisdom of Dads

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Happy June! The month when so much is happening – the start of summer, the end of the school year, weddings, vacations, graduations, and {{{{{drum roll}}}}} Father’s Day!

Recently, I went to my godson’s graduation at the Forman School in Litchfield, CT. This school has been around for 100 years and is focused on helping kids with learning disabilities such as dyslexia and ADHD. At the graduation, Alan Alda, whose grandson was also graduating, spoke. Alan’s speech was eloquent and wise. Every person, young or old, male or female, could truly benefit from his wisdom. Indeed, judging by the vibes and reactions, I believe that many in the audience recognized that they were receiving a gift of life guidance. One thing he said that especially resonated with me was (and I’m paraphrasing), “I can’t give you my seventy years of life. I’m only sharing what I feel have been the important moments or messages of life, as I’ve seen it.”

Alan also noted how that in 2015, the whole world can learn what happened halfway across the globe almost immediately – something no generation except this one has experienced. He also told a very funny story about Kurt Vonnegut, the talented author, who delivered a commencement address in 1997 that became world famous. The only thing was, Kurt didn’t write it! Still, it’s a gem worth repeating, as Alan did at the graduation ceremony I attended.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

I was so thrilled to hear Alan Alda (a father of three and grandfather of eight, according to Wikipedia) read “Kurt’s speech.”

As Alan, and all dads know, June is the month in which we celebrate Father’s Day! In my previous newsletter, I paid special attention to mothers for their day, so I feel it’s only right this month to give kudos to the dads. You know who you are and how important you have been to those whom you love and who love you. I know many of you have felt the weight of the world on your shoulders while caring for and protecting your kids. A very tough job, but hey . . . Congratulations! You did it! And for many, you are still doing it!

For those dads who have lost a child, I present the following which I came across on Facebook, and want to share.

A Dad Hurts Too

People don’t always see the tears a DAD cries,
His heart is broken too when his beloved child dies.
He tries to hold it together and tries to be strong,
Even though his whole world’s gone wrong.
He holds on to her as her tears fall,
Comforts her throughout it all.
He goes through his day doing what he’s supposed to do,
But a piece of his heart has been ripped away too.
So when he’s alone he lets out his pain,
And his tears come down like pouring rain.
His world has crashed in all around him,
All that was bright has gone completely dim.
He searches for answers but none are to be found,
Who offers help a DAD up when he’s hit the ground?
He smiles through his fears,
Struggles trying to hold in his tears.
But what you see on the outside is not always real,
Men don’t always show how they really feel.
He feels he has to be strong for the others,
But DADS hurt too, not just the mothers.

(Original work found here)

Let me close by saying . . . Friends, enjoy all the upcoming wonderful moments of this June, and reflect on the good times of days gone by . . . they are all important. And do wear sunscreen!

Looking forward this June to returning to the Afterlife Conference in Norfolk, Virginia, and returning to New Hampshire. Check out my website for details.

As I write, spring is still here, and it’s Rachel Carson’s birthday. What an amazing gift she left the world, way before her time.

The Month of Love

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Happy Month of the “Heart!”

Oh how Love inspires us to do things we might not otherwise attempt. And I do mean Love, not Love that is confined to being “in love,” but the Love that all of us would express to and for those to whom we are so emotionally attached: our significant others, parents, children, siblings, grandparents, grandchildren, etc. And let us not forget our friends, including our best friends of the two- and four-legged variety. All those with whom we share the intimate aspects of our lives, and connect through the heart, are Love connections.

Love not only inspires romantic novels, movies, music, and poems, but also our behavior. Did you know that a mother walrus will risk her own life to defend her cub against a hungry bear who is starving and wants to kill and eat her cub? Among poverty stricken humans, it is quite common for parents to go without so their children can be clothed and fed. Love, my friends, is a powerful force – the most powerful force in the world, in my view – and the one that drives all of us in one way or another.

I recently came upon selected writing I had in my files about the power of Love. I’d like to share this passage written by William Law, 1948.

“When Love is the spirit of your life, it will have the freedom and universality of a spirit; it will always live and work in Love, not because of this or that, here or there, but because the spirit of Love can only Love, where ever it is or goes, or whatever is done to it. As the spark knows no motion but that of flying upwards, whether it be in the darkness of night, or in the light of day, so the spirit of Love is always on the same course; it knows no difference of time, place or person; but whether it gives or forgives, bears or forebears, it is equally doing its own delightful work, equally blessed from itself.”

What I find so purely wonderful and inspiring in this writing is the recognition of Love as Spirit, invoking its own powerful energy. It is quite accurate to say that Love has a life of its own, and as we tap into Love and breathe it in, Love’s own light can guide and direct our lives with passion. (You can read more of the writings of William Law, here.)

When I look into the eyes of someone who has lost a loved one, I see that a part of them is missing, that part being the Love that was felt when the loved one was here in the physical. To get through the grieving process – and yes, it is a process – we must dig very deep within our souls, and bring that light of Love back into our hearts. Not a easy task, but a necessary one. As I often say, “Love never dies,” it just changes form. We must learn how to connect with our loved ones in Spirit in a different way. That is where my work comes in. And I am honored to be able to assist. But we all can help ourselves by recognizing that death does not destroy the Love connection. We need to open up and listen to our hearts. Yes this can be a mighty big leap for some, but I have never met anyone who regretted reconnecting with a loved one in Spirit. You need faith in the beginning, and trust. Then once you experience the reconnection of Love, well, there is nothing like it! Immortality is validated.

I would be remiss here if I did not mention that we celebrate “Valentine’s Day” this month, so for all you lovers out there, enjoy! Remember also not to get too caught up in the commercialization and materialism that besets all of our holidays. Keep in prominence not only the Love for your significant other, family, and friends, but also of Nature, even if it’s only a moment taken to appreciate the sun or a snowflake.

It is my hope that you will experience that spark, as you open your heart to receive the spirit of Love!

During the approach to Spring – yes guys, despite the frigid temperatures here in the Northeast and elsewhere, time-wise, March 21st is right around the corner – I hope to see many of you in my travels to: Florida, St. Louis, Louisiana, Connecticut, Tucson, L.A., Denver, Portland, Seattle, etc. Check my calendar for details.

Have a wonderful month of Love and while you’re at it, don’t forget to stop and smell the roses.

Spring and Nature’s Lessons on Overcoming Grief

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Once again, I’ve been wanting something to happen sooner rather than later. This time it’s Spring! However, Mother Nature says Spring will arrive when she’s ready, not when I want it to. I understand that, of course, but after all, we’re now past Easter, having devoured the chocolate rabbits, the colored eggs, and those special dinners. Before that it was the passing of Groundhog Day and the March 21st equinox, neither of which brought much warmth. Come on Spring, get here!

Okay, that’s my mini-rant. Now I’m calming down because this morning the birds – thank God for the birds – and especially robins were everywhere. As has been in the news, so many birds had to change their flight paths to adapt to climate change, some not so easily. But that life, isn’t it? Things change.

As many have experienced, sometimes when we lose someone, our lives change dramatically and it feels like we will never be the same. There is truth in that, of course. So we need to take time to grieve, and then sort things out. Sooner or later, we begin to figure out how to move on as best we can, despite that initial devastating blow.

Just like with the delay of Spring this year, when we lose someone close, there are no magic wands or remotes to fast forward us to the next chapter. As humans, we need to go through the grieving process. Those of us that don’t take the time to grieve, and instead do everything we can to avoid facing the reality of our emotions, are merely postponing the inevitable. At some point, now or 10 years from now, the loss will impact us emotionally. It’s a good idea to deal with the loss sooner rather than later, and let the healing process begin.

Here’s another thing I’ve learned in all my years doing this work. However long it takes you to get beyond the passing of a loved one, and into a mode of normalcy, honor that. If someone tells you to “Get over it” or “Move on already,” tell them, “Walk a mile in my shoes, and then we’ll talk about it!”

Just like getting beyond Winter is taking longer than usual this Spring, overcoming grief can take longer than we hoped and planned. If you find yourself in that kind of situation, just let Nature take its course. Don’t rush it.

Even though Spring is only here on the calendar, it’s very exciting to know that – unless there is another upcoming event that I am unaware of – I will be seeing many of you in the coming months. My special return to Cromwell always warms my heart, and I’ll be doing a fund raiser for Liam Nation this month. I’m then off to Roanoke, Chicago, Denver, Baltimore and Philly. Check out my events page for details.

The Nun and The Priest

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Most people who commonly check out my website and know my work; know I travel a great deal.  Since I travel quite a bit I prefer to drive; especially around the Northeast, and quite honestly I love it.  It always clears my mind and I sometimes get to listen to some good discussions and interviews on one of my favorite radio shows, NPR.

I like most people “love” a good love story, of course especially if it is a message or experience about connecting to a love one in spirit or having an ADC ( After-death Communication) experience.

The interview begins with a woman who was a nun for a few years when she was transfer to another parish.  Upon being sent to this parish she was working with the  priest who ran the parish,  within a  couple of years she and he realize a connection.  The connection was instant from the beginning. She and the Priest became instantly connected and fell in love. She knew in her heart that she would have to search her soul to make the decision to leave the church; of which she did.  The Woman and the Priest would meet on the weekends while he was waiting to get permission for them to be together.  After two years of wanting he too was not given permission to be with her, so he too left the priesthood.

They married, a love affair that lasted for 60 years. Nonetheless they still kept their connection with the church. In the interview she shared their deep love and connection that she and the priest had. Then she shares about his illness, taking care of him and how she made sure they recorded their singing together.  He lost his voice from the illness so she wanted to make sure she could still hear his voice after his death.

She then continues to talk about his dying and how she felt closer to him after his death. She would have her daily ritual of 2 O’clock in the afternoon sitting in her favorite chair in the room they loved the most, listen and feel his presence and know that he was there.

She made it very clear in the interview that it didn’t matter to her what people thought of her on-going connection with her husband, who was now dead. Making it plain to listeners that only his body was dead.

It was important for her to share that their relationship was continuing and emphasizing that in many ways, they were closer now than they were when he was in his physical body, knowing that their deep connection continued.

Here I am listening to this woman speak of her love, while I am quite literally on my way to share what I do best, connecting with those, who like her priest, still let us know they are around.  We only have to listen, open our heart and know that love never dies.

Garden of Love

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Most everyone knows my love for nature and what a significant a role it plays in our lives. I often talk about how the seasons are a reflection of our lives, and quite honestly how the seasons mirror how we live our lives.

Living life as a medium, the issue of death and birth are always in the front of my thoughts and how that theme interplays in my life one way or another on a daily basis.

So while working in my garden the other day and admiring what a beautiful garden it is, I was reminded of just one of the important learning’s of life and nature by gardening Organic.

Organic Gardening is truly different from other gardens that are not organically based. One simple, yet important factor I have learned, which all Organic Gardeners know, is that plants grown from Organic seeds grow at a much slower pace than those that have had been sprayed or have added chemicals that alter the growing process to speed up growth.

Of course I am reminded of this fact when I see other gardens where the tomatoes, for instance, from non-organic seeds, now have more vegetables than my own garden.

What does this love of gardening and nature have to do with our lives connected with our loved ones or dps? Everything because Organic Gardens are like our own grieving process, you can’t speed it up. Everyone has to go through their own process in their own rhythm and time. You can’t force your healing trying to add all those chemicals to urge us and telling us to move on, get over it. You can’t force this process anymore than I can make my garden grow “faster”.

I can only nurture the garden with the best soil, feed it and water it when needed.  Nature, God/Goddess does the rest: Sun, rain, good old earth….and yes love…well I add my share of that. It is this that we all must go through, in our own time and space….a little bit like Organic Gardening.